My mom likes big knockers…

You all should know now! My Mom declared that she likes big knockers.

Before I go any further, I should fill you in on a few things about my family. My mom is an architectural buff who loves interior design but more so she is a gardening freak by nature. My dad is an artist; any home that he has ever owned is his canvas. In fact my dad will buy the ugliest home on the block and by the time his done, it far exceeds any other home for miles. It is what he is known for. My step mom is an interior design guru and is never afraid to roll up her sleeves and dig in to a home improvement project.

In our home if there was some project going on everyone was expected to “chip in” to get the job done. Being the youngest, I was the designated crawl space kid. Which means many of my Saturday morning cartoons were interrupted by my dad sending me through some whole in the floor or attic. This was before DVR which means I am still wondering why Wylie Coyote never got the Road Runner. The nerve of my father!

I am about to share a conversation with my mom that is similar to the millions I have had with her before. Only is one is a little more amusing.

The plot…we are leaving Richmond Park walking the streets of London. I am telling my mom something serious about my life. She interrupts everything I say to point out something about each and every home and garden we pass. On a side note: I am so tired of being interrupted so she can point out a new plant or architectural feature. Then at like a teacher (she was one for like 20+ years) by telling me the plants common name and Latin name. Again the nerve!

Here is the conversation:

Mom..I feel lost.  What do you think I should do with my life? Stay in Hawaii or high tale it? I am in the middle of a serious dilemma. Mom! help me out here.”

My mom interrupting again! “I really like big knockers.”

At this point I am really annoyed. I was annoyed and at a cross roads. You see realized that I had two choices. One get more annoyed and say something to reflect my annoyance or two take advantage of my unsuspecting, slightly naive, newly retired English teacher mother who might be just a little bit of an airhead. Read on. I feel I made the right choice!

Really!? When did you start liking knockers? I thought you liked the good old fashion door bell pulls.”

“No, I really like knockers.”

At this point I feel just fine about the direction of the conversation I feel like it is…well… getting even for all the interruptions. And…I may just love the way my mom says knockers. I might even giggle inside when she says Big Knockers!

“What is it you like about knockers? Do you like Big knockers or small knockers?”

“uummm well I really like big knockers. Don’t get me wrong I like dainty little knockers too. I just appreciate big knockers more.”

“So, for example, the two big knockers on those doors there (I point to two doors side by side with matching knockers), describe to me in detail what really gets you going about those big knockers.”

“You really have something to hold on to. You notice them from far away, and I really like how pronounced they are on the door. They stick out.”

“So let get this straight you like a good sturdy pair of knockers! Ones that get noticed. You like them pronounced; something you can really hold on to.”

At this point one could say I was enjoying myself too much. I might say pay back is a bitch. All I know was I wanted to see how far I could take it before my momma caught on. I make no apologies for this.

“When we get back to California do you suppose you’re going to get yourself some big knockers? People pay a lot of money for big knockers in California. There is a whole industry devoted to big knockers”

Really?! I never see big knockers there in California. everyone has door bells”  My mom says in astonishment

“You mean to tell me you haven’t seen big knocker is California!”

She stops walking. Looks at me with a quizzical expression, her brow is furrowed. I can tell she is recounting our entire conversation. The corners of her mouth turn up. I see by the look on her face she has put the whole conversation together. About to enter in the fit of the giggles she says.

“You wicked child. We were talking about two different types of knockers….”

She gets a case of the giggle and barely gets the following words out, “In that case I do prefer a door bell pull!”

Just a regular old conversation between my mom and me.

Love,

Em