I froze and then…

Well, I have to admit I have been a bit down lately. Now that I have shared my one acre project with the “world” and it was in the local news paper I have had surprising reactions from people.

To give you a visual I feel like the pin ball inside of a pinball machine. I have been knocked around against both friends and strangers opinions. Telling me that one acre is an impossible feat. I have heard why I shouldn’t bother with it. I have been told “you can’t do it”. Told that I should change the name of the project or the size or the time frame. How to blog about it. How to record my progress. These opinion have’t come with to much softness or support for that matter. Not often but every once in a when talking with someone about the project some one really gets it. I can hear the ding ding ding and see the lights flashing the person on the other end gets it. They really get it. The reaction from people has been incredibly interesting to me. But…what I find more interesting than the response from others is my reaction to their response.

My reaction?

1. I questioned, doubted, and lost faith in myself. While working in the garden I heard my self say (more than once) “What was I thinking! I can’t do this” or “this is crazy!”. I hated that I repeated what people had said to me. I hated it even more that began to believe it.

2. I began to regret my idea. The idea was divinely inspired I regretted listening to it and sharing it.

3. I froze. I just totally froze. Paralyzed with fear of failure and afraid to ask friends better gardeners for advise because of the two reasons above.

For these reasons I haven’t written any thing and I haven made much progress in the garden either. It was a difficult few weeks of avoiding everything and putting my head in the sand. At night I would beat myself up feeling like I was living up to the “you can’t” comments. As luck would have it I had a few good conversations with dear friends helped me to raise my head from this fog.

and then…my Aunt Judi wrote this comment on my last post. It made me smile. It made me happy. A comment with some family history, helpful suggestions, and Love.

HI Emily,
Well I remember when Uncle Phil and I lived on a place called Tilton Lane, we had one acre of land, but the first year we only tilled up one third of it for a garden. That was managable for us. I would recommend divide into thirds or fourths by square and start that way. Also rent your self a tiller to chew up the ground. You will wear your self out pulling weeds. Then lots of chicken manure tilled back in. Then plan your spot. Tall things at the back like corn you can also do pole beans, then shorter plants in the front. like tomatoes and squashes, watermelon etc or you could put all your melons in one square and veges in the other. To me it was more manageable when we did that. Try planting okra its a wonderful treat. and the best pest busters are chickens. So I would make sure you have some hens going through your garden everyday. I loved watching my chickens in the garden, but I always had a rooster because you have to keep the ladies happy and he always kept them in one place. I loved my chickens and if I could figure out a way to keep them here in WC without problems I would. Hope all is well I love you and miss you. How is Coco? I haven’t seen any pictures of my beautiful dog Vienna YET??????

Love Aunt Judi

I never told my Aunt that I was frozen or what I was feeling she just sent me a lovely note.

Thank you Aunt Judi, I love you! I will think twice next time before drinking wine with your daughter and using your phone to prank text family members. We may do it, we will just think twice first. 

I am posting a picture that my Aunt sent me of her dog Vienna. My Aunt trains guide dogs. Vienna is a sweet heart and will soon be matched with her new owner. Vienna is a beautiful beautiful!

So with that being said I will get myself back into the game!

Love,

Emily